TwentyOne
by Misha
Summary: Once all she had wanted was to be twentyone, now she just wishes she could be sixteen again.


Twenty-One   
By Misha 

Disclaimer- I don't own any of the characters of "Instant Star" (if I did do you think she'd be so young?), I don't know who does, but it's not me and I'm not making any money off this, so don't sue me. 

Author's Notes- This is just a depressing Jude piece written after "Unsweet Sixteen", but set five years in the future. It's Jude's twenty-first birthday, but it's not a happy day. I don't know why this one is so depressing, but I couldn't help it. I was in an angsty mood, I guess. I hope this one isn't **too** bad, though it is kind of on the dark side. Oops. Well, that's all, enjoy! 

Pairing- Tommy/Jude 

Summery- Once all she had wanted was to be twenty-one, now she just wishes she could be sixteen again. 

Spoilers- Up to "Unsweet Sixteen". 

Rating- PG-13

* * *

Twenty-one. 

There were times when Jude never thought she'd make it to be that old. When it seemed so far away. 

There had also been times in her life, when it had been all she wanted was to be that age. On her sixteenth birthday, that horrible night so long ago, it was all she had wished for. 

To be old enough. Because if she had been twenty-one, then what she and Tommy felt would have been okay. 

Now, she was twenty-one, but it was different. 

There was no Tommy waiting in the wings. Because she'd been too young when they met and they crossed that line and it went badly. 

Maybe, things would have turned out the same way regardless, but she didn't believe that. She believed it was some sort of punishment. They couldn't be good and wait, so it went so horribly wrong. 

They tried to resist, for a good year after that night, after that party. They worked together and they tried their hardest not to let it be anything. But, things can only be denied so long and they came together. 

To be fair, Tommy had tried hard to resist, but once Jude had realized that she couldn't fight her feelings for him, she had pursued him with all her might. Eventually, his resistance had cracked. 

Jude thought about it often. 

She felt ancient at twenty-one, so much older than she had been at seventeen. 

Yet, if she closed her eyes, she could be there again. She could feel his mouth and skin and his body pressing against hers. She could be seventeen and in love with someone she shouldn't be. 

She still loved him. Four years since that first night, three years since it all went so terribly wrong, and she still loved him. 

That was the worst part of it all, maybe, that he had been the _one_. Her true love, her soulmate, brought into her life too early and ripped away. 

She honestly believed that if she had been older, then things would have ended differently. 

She knew she'd never forget the night it fell apart. 

She'd always remember that fight with her parents. She had finally told them about Tommy, she'd **had** to tell them because she was pregnant. 

She knew she'd never forget the awful things they said to each other and how upset she was when she got behind the wheel. 

She remembers how Tommy got in the car with her, trying to convince her to let him drive. She remembers ignoring him and taking off, going as fast as she could. 

She doesn't remember losing control of the car and hitting the tree. But she **does** remember waking up in the E.R. 

She remembers the doctor gently breaking the news that she lost the baby. She remembers how devastated she was and that all she wanted was Tommy. She remembers asking to see him and having Georgia tell her softly that he was gone. 

She'll never forget the moment. 

The realization that Tommy was dead because of her. If she hadn't been so upset and driving so fast, he would still be alive today. She knows that. So would their baby. 

Her life would have been so different, if only she hadn't been so reckless. She thought about that often, about the life she would have had if that night had been different. 

She thought about that almost as often as she relived that night over and over again in her nightmares. She'd give anything to go back and be able to do it over. 

But that wasn't going to happen. She wasn't going to get the miracle that would let her change the mistakes of the past. 

She had been too young and too stupid and she'd paid the price. If only she had waited, then maybe it would have been different. 

Maybe she would have been celebrating her birthday with Tommy. But that wasn't going to happen. She was finally old enough for him, but it was too late. 

No, her twenty-first birthday was nothing like she had once thought it would be. 

It was her fault. She'd been young and stupid and she'd gone after what she wanted, instead of waiting like she should have and because of that, it all feel apart. 

If only she had known then what now. If only she had waited, then maybe this day would be different. 

Maybe it would be what she had dreamed of long ago and maybe Tommy would be here celebrating with her. 

But that was never going to happen. 

She was twenty-one, but it wasn't all it was cracked up to be. If only she could go back and correct the mistakes of her youth. 

It was funny, when she was sixteen all she wanted was to be twenty-one, but now that she was twenty-one she just wanted to be sixteen. Because if she was, then she could correct the mistakes of her past. 

But that wasn't going to happen. 

Still, it was funny how life worked, wasn't it? You always wanted what you didn't have. 

The End 


End file.
